Teenage Life

 hey guys, idk i just felt like expressing this first before starting my assignments but idk sometimes it does hit me, you know? i can act like i'm ok but of course i know its ok to not be ok. maybe because i've only told this to like, three friends, not everyone knows how im doing. why? i just dont wanna live as the epitome of pity. i wanna act normal so that i match the energy of people that talk to me and can somehow i guess, echo the emotion sincerely into my deepest thoughts. maybe because, i too, wanna be dramatic and want people to notice and ask but nah, i'm not that petty. i don't feel like talking to a lot of people now, but i'll be honest if people ask me how im doing. im not that much active on social media right now. i rarely tweet, or retweet, or post photos or basically socialise online? i realised i hate it. well, hate is a strong word, and maybe i shouldn't put it that way, but i hate how we can no longer opt for human interaction because of thi...

 hey guys, i think i haven't been myself lately, which is honestly a good thing and also a bad thing. i love that i no longer feel the urge of excitement to post on social media but that also made me more distant from my friends. i guess thats also because i always engage with them through social media, replying to their posts and all. i dont know what changed in me. maybe the drastic change that happened recently really just shocked me, leaving me speechless. honestly more than three of my friends personally messaged me and said they haven't been talking to me that much.... i'm also sad, honestly, i don't have the energy no more and i feel so sad that its like that? there are friends i used to love so much and talk to them and be excited sharing stuff and the conversation would feel so wholesome and leave me breathless and hyperventilating due to the thrill of everything. maybe this is just the final exam syndrome? honestly i don't know? for the few people who have...

 hey guys, for a while ive been having some thoughts, which is about friends. sometimes i'm sad and i don't feel like i  helping them out because they too, don't even check up on me nor come to my aid when im feeling sad. but i learnt thats okay. but idk lately i dont feel like talking to my friends that much. i wanna be alone. i'd be grateful if there ever are people to check up on me, but i don't feel that way anymore.  i used to envy seeing other people happy, because I too, wanted to be happy. but as time passes by, i realised i should just be happy for them and learn that my time, too will come. and it did, but not most of the times. but i learned that its okay. my life has its own journey and process, and everyone else's journey is different from mine. i should accept that fact. if you're reading this and you're a close friend of mine, i'm sorry if i dont talk to you as much as I do. i honestly don't have that much energy like i used to. ma...

hey, so i'm here and i'm here to stay. honestly, i'm a people's person. so i really love people. in fact, i'd be really sad if people weren't comfortable with me. but of course, im uncomfortable with some people too so i know that idea is way unrealistic. rereading my old posts made me realise how documenting my own progress is important. and i hope to look back to this blog and laugh at my misery. dear future me, well if you wanna know, you're doing pretty great :D yeap, you are and i'm proud of you. <3 i've been going out a lot lately, and wasting my money like crazy. i've always been so careful in spending money on myself, i'm literally soooo kedekut with my money i cant even buy myself food but yes, i've given someone i love very much new airpods and an ipad :] i know, even my friends  tell me i'm stupid and i believe that too. but i would swim the oceans and walk on a fire for the people i love. is this normal? because i don...

i have lots of thoughts, yes i do. i thought of whether if i took this degree in malaysia it would be easier. but would it? honestly i have gained a lot of experience here. its not always you can go out at midnight and study at a cafe and feel safe. but korea did that. i mean, korea allowed that. i'm so thankful for everything. im not really as religious or good like i had been before but everyday i pray for specific things. and i dont know why but,, i can finally see how God is answering my prayers. and that being also at the right timing. i got the news when i was calm, not in my bad state (when i felt depressed, which is usually when i'm lonely) and it didn't hurt as worse as i thought it would. i think its also because i think my saved-up tears have already been used up in the past so i'm good now. idk if i said this before but yes of course im sad and of course i cried because i should but i dont know... entahlah i really don't know anymore.

 hey guys, back here again to update my feelings. i honestly don't know who reads this, doesn't matter if you're here for the tea or you genuinely care because right now i dont really have a great emotional support system. i thought i used to have one, and honestly yes, i agree it was a good one, but the thorns of lies that surrounded that system was toxic and it had to be cut off. for now, i don't know what the future will hold for me, but i'm trying my best to make good use of it. and i sure hope i do make through it. xx, husna